Lessons From Children About Adults

Children have rules to live by. Most of those rules and do's and don't's. The same is true for adults. Children react to those rules. So do adults. Did you ever wonder how much our adult reactions were learned as children? Did you ever wonder whether we could go back and change some of our negative behavior by relearning from our childhood. Well we can and it does not require years of in depth cognitive therapy. It only requires spending time with children and reflecting enough to learn from that time.

By observing children and noting their rules that they must follow we can learn much about adults. The "why" and the "why not" of life can be discerned from the more simple why and why not for children.

Why does a child when told to do one thing or given a certain set of rules so often do something else. Why does an adult when told to do one thing or given a set of rules so often do something else. Watch the child and learn. They simply want to do something else. And until they learn the consequences, large or small, they will continue to do just as they please.

Sound familiar? Human adults just do certain things expecting a certain result. Sometimes just doing as we please ends us up in some trouble or at the very least creating a harder situation. For some reason watching a child do this reminds us not to. All the way from addictions to simply driving right on the freeway. If we see the child do it we know immediately that it is wrong and sometimes if we are wise we can apply that knowledge to ourselves.

I know that I am perfect and never throw a tantrum. I never get upset because I do not get my way. What a liar I am. (for another article) But there is something I have learned from children. They pick who they will throw a tantrum with. In our house I am the disciplinarian. Fits do not get thrown my way because my "fit" going right back at you is worse than doing what I said in the first place. My wife, not so much. Chances are good with her that a good tantrum will get her to capitulate and even feel guilty.

On the other hand my wife throws tantrums at me and I always give in. She never gives in to mine and so I just do not throw them - what is the use? Fits and tantrums do not make us feel all warm and fuzzy. They should be avoided. By looking at when and why a child throws them we can learn a great deal about why we throw them. And hopefully that will keep the negative behavior at bay. Is it really worth getting all upset just to get our way?

Sometimes we get caught up in our world of people or we just get tired. When we do that we stop noticing the wonders of the world around us. We become "lazy" to the miracles of life and the little things that bring interest and joy into our lives. To the child almost everything becomes exciting when it is new and even the old is not boring in general. It is a youthful outlook that we need to recharge our batteries and see life fresh again. Children just naturally teach us and remind us of such things.

If we simply slow down when with children and really pay attention then we can begin to see certain things that we do with them and they with us. With children it is more honest in a certain sense. How they feel and want to act is more "in your face". It is at once alarming. They do not hide their feelings. And yet much of their behavior is already manipulative and in a certain way conniving.

Throwing fits is one most obvious circumstance. They throw a fit to get what they want and there is no pretext. As adults we throw fits and find blame in others or we divert attention from the real cause. Too often we are simply manipulating ourselves.

At the other spectrum we get a hug from a child and it is real. It is not a mock deal. It is so sad to watch a parent tell a child to give a hug to an auntie. We begin to train, not to give hugs out of sincerity but out of social grace. That begins the road to faked emotions and that leads to a life full of lies. For if we can fake a hug to another we begin to fake those emotions in ourselves and we no longer own them like a child.

Consequences are real time to a child. If we watch how quickly they learn to avoid actions that cause immediate negative results we can more clearly see how our seemingly more complicated wrong actions lead to negative results. Perhaps it will help us to begin to stop the negative behavior.

Fruits and vegetables. These are not a big issue for me as I just love them to bits. But even then I find that what I will not do for myself I will do for a little one. And children need their fruits and vegetables. So we go the extra mile to make sure they are the food that most fills our counter tops, refrigerator and cupboards, even more so than we would for ourselves. And that translates into other positive behaviors withing the home. Like quiet reading times and exercise time and looking at nature time and on and on.

I beg of you, find a child, hug that child and then let that child teach you.

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